Welcome to this beautiful Monday morning! The air is crisp: not exactly chilly, but a nice reprieve from all the rain and scorching heat we’ve had recently. I had an amazing weekend that still is carrying over into today and tomorrow. Any chance to spend this much time getting to know the new man in my life makes me quite grateful that I have this opportunity for a long summer break. There. I said it. I’m a teacher, and I love my summer break! So sue me.
Morning meditation was a bust…I couldn’t focus. The cats kept creeping under me and into my lap. The dog kept laying on the mat and putting her head on my knee and nudging my hand. My thoughts kept creeping back to the trials my daughter is experiencing in her life. I’d then get annoyed because I wanted to reflect on the church service I had attended with my sister and her family yesterday as they prepare for a two week missions trip to Lima (yes, I went to church…remember, I don’t NOT believe, I just believe differently). I wanted to reflect on where my relationship is currently with “Bruce” (it’s just occurred to me that I have a topic for another post…what do you call someone you’re dating when you both pushing 50?). Nothing I wanted to accomplish, was happening on the mat this morning. Even when I gave up on the meditation and just went to trying sun salutations, the dog crept in between my legs while trying to move into Warrior….the cats immediately moved onto my pillow and behind my feet. Unless I wanted to end up on my rear end, I figured I had just give it a rest this morning and move on. See proof of my troubles this morning….
Grumped my way back into the house to fix coffee and grab the laptop to have a good whine about it on Facebook. But while I was waiting for the morning dopamine delivery to be ready, I scrolled through my timeline, and ran across the poster above. I’ve seen it many times before and appreciated the message, but for some reason, something clicked this time.
“Some people won’t love you no matter what you do…”
I reflected on someone close to me. It seems that as fortunate as I have been in relationships (yes, even the ups and downs of 29 years of marriage to one man), my beautiful friend has had the opposite experience. She is in a relationship now that is so toxic emotionally I’m afraid, that I find it painful to witness. I have really tried to support her, counsel her, guide her, listen to her, but it becomes more and more difficult as time grows on. I know I cannot force her to listen to reason, but as a friend, it is heartbreaking to watch her trudge through life, one depressing event after another. She claims over and over that she loves her partner, that she couldn’t live without him. Then in the next breath, is hysterically screaming that he is constantly putting her down and telling her she is no good…telling her that no one but him will ever love her. As her friend, trust me, it is painful to hear those words and not physically respond to them. But I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t do well in jail, so….
I can reflect as well on my own marriage breakdown, and how different it has been to my friend’s experience. I was unable to “make” my ex love me, and it took a very long time for me to understand that. It took even longer for me to understand fully that it wasn’t his fault, nor was it mine. We created a beautiful family together, and that was what we were destined to do. No amount of changing or therapy or pretending was going to change the fact that over the course of our marriage, we both grew into more confident adults who knew better what they needed in life and were smart enough (and compassionate enough) to admit we couldn’t provide that for the other. So now we stay friends, and that is the best way it should be.
“…and some people won’t stop loving you no matter what you do.”
Which brings me here. I really don’t think there is much to say about this. Reflect on all those in your life, past/present, family/friends who are always there for you (sometimes with bail money), who will tell you off in a heartbeat, then offer to kick the crap out of whoever has upset you. These are the people we all need in our lives; people who will build you up, hold you up, and love you, even when you are busy being the biggest dumb ass you can possibly be.
“Go where the love is!”
…and when you get a text that you need to come snuggle, that’s exactly where you go….
Namaste om shanti